The Truth Will Set You Free
Recently I had a long talk with my therapist. Yes, I have a therapist. How else do you think I stay sane? I share the following story with you with permission from my wife.
Therapist: “What’s new with your two?”
Blake: “Last week we had a couple good fights.”
Therapist: “About what?”
“Well, she thinks I don’t do my part around the house(classic marital dispute) “and do you?” “I mean sometimes but I could obviously do better.” (I said this because guys, I CAN do better but also I did not want to look like a douche)
Then he says to my wife…
Therapist: “Well, what do you think about what Blake has said?
Wife: “We’ve had this conversation before…”
Therapist: “ What do you mean?”
“Well, we’ve had this exact fight/conversation before about who does what or doesn’t do what and we fight about it and then he (Blake) says ok I’ll do better and than for like a week or a month he picks up his shit and then we start the process over.”
Therapist: Ok, so Blake is your wife number one in your life?
Blake: “Yes, of course.”
Therapist: “She is? But for like a week or month right?“
Therapist:” Well yes because after that work and stress and real-life sneak in and then she’s still important but like number 3 on the list?
Blake: What, no she’s number one.
Therapist: If she were number one you would have changed your behavior already. So obviously she isn’t important enough on the list be in the number one spot. Which is fine as long as you understand that the thing you say is MOST IMPORTANT(your relationship with your wife) is actually number 3 on a good day maybe number 5 on a bad day.”
Guys, why am I telling you this? Obviously, a marital spat over dishes is not going to end the world or my relationship with my wife. But what I learned in therapy is applicable to so many things especially our health.
As human beings, it’s sometimes really hard to be brutally honest with ourselves when something just isn’t working and it’s especially hard, to be honest about WHY it isn’t working. We like to talk ourselves into a lot of bullshit about the priorities in our lives. We flatter our ego with millions of excuses, good ones too. My kids were sick, I’m swamped at work, Life is busy. Or we just have slip up after slip up and justify with things like I just didn’t have time to meal plan or my alarm didn’t go off so I missed my session. Yes, those things happen. Yes, those are “in the moment facts” but the TRUTH is, Nutrition and Exercise aren’t working because the effort being put in has a direct relationship with priorities and your health just isn’t high enough on the list.
If you just read that and the next word out of your mouth started with but.. then Health and Fitness is low on your priority list. Sure it might be high on your list of self-talk. It might be high in social situations were you gab about cute Lulu is and tell your friend you shouldn’t eat dessert because you’re trying to drop 10lbs but it’s low on your priority list of tangible actions. And action is the only currency that matters.
Ok, what now. thanks, Blake I feel like garbage about myself. Ok, I don’t want you to feel like garbage. Actually, I don’t want you to feel ashamed or guilty at all. Being really honest with yourself is always the first and probably most painful step on your way to change.
Here’s what I want you to do. The next time you want to skip a work out I want you to STOP, RECOGNIZE and be ACCOUNTABLE that in this moment exercise is not a priority. Excuse are shit, throw them in the trash. Justifications lead to somedays and I’ll get to it laters. What matters is honestly admitting to yourself that exercise is NOT a priority.
If you’re eating a heaping bowl of ice cream because you had a shit day at work STOP, RECOGNIZE and be ACCOUNTABLE. You do NOT need to feel guilty. Why? Because you’re a grown-ass human and in this moment you’re making a choice and wether it’s right or it’s wrong doesn’t matter. What matters is recognizing that you are letting your emotions take the number one spot in your priorities. And once you recognize numero UNO then you can decide whether or not you’re OK with that. If you are, eat that ice cream like a champ and if you’re not Stop feeling guilty, stop feeling ashamed, stop whining about shoulda, coulda, woulda results. Take action and CHANGE YOUR PRIORITIES.